A Glass of Water is Like…

Last week I saw a video about a glass of water and how it relates to a person when they think about the burdens in their life. As a person that has been living with severe anxiety for over ten years I know the struggle of not being able to put the glass down.
The past few months have been a roller coaster of stress and change. Some of the changes I controlled and others were unexpected. A mix of good and bad. But since it wasn’t my first time experiencing that, I figured I could handle it on my own.
But I was wrong.
I slowly started turning into someone I didn’t recognize anymore.
I became more irritable and slipping to a place I didn’t want to be in.
That is why I made the decision to start seeing a therapist and be placed on a proper medication to manage my anxiety.

Background Info– Last year when I talked to my primary about medication for my anxiety she first had me see a cardiologist. Because of my symptoms during an attack and her noticing that I had a heart murmur she wanted to make sure there were no underlying issues. She gave me a prescription for when I felt an attack coming on and told me to see a therapist. The cardiologist had me wear a heart monitor for three weeks, and the results showed that I have a high heart rate. Everything else was normal. Which was great!
It proved that the pain I’ve been experiencing for years was from an anxiety attack.

It took over a year for me to make the call to start seeing a therapist. I am lucky that I was directed towards another medical professional that is working with me to make sure I am on the correct daily medication. I believe strongly in the power of therapy and medication.

What is it like to have an anxiety disorder?
I overthink everything!
Example: Last weekend my boyfriend asked me to decide on the time of the movie we were going to see. Seems simple right? Well, not for me. Had to pick the location, they each had different times because some were 2D and 3D, which then changed when we’d have to leave. I was so annoyed that he wouldn’t just decide. But he wasn’t going to, I had to pick, so I did. Only took 45minutes. Drove to the theater, got tickets, sat down, and during the first 10 minutes of the movie I’m telling my brain to shut up about having to make the decision about the movies. Eventually that thought stopped and I enjoyed the movie. Got home, laid down, and what comes back… the same one from three hours earlier. By this point I was angry with myself. I’m trying to tell my brain to shut up. There was no point in thinking about something that happened hours ago. My heart was beating faster, and I’m trying to take deep breaths to calm down and think about breathing instead of that annoying thought that decided to pop back into my head. And eventually, I fell asleep.

Dealing with situations like that everyday is exhausting. I’ve made the choice that I want to be able to put the glass down at the end of the day. Ten years was long enough. I don’t want to lose the important people in my life. Because of my anxiety, it’s causing me to overthink all of their actions and push them away. I need those people in my life.
If you are one of them that happens to be reading this: THANK YOU.
Thank you for being part of my life, and choosing to stay in it. Thank you for listening when I need to vent. Thank you for understanding that sometimes I don’t know why I do or say what I do. Thank you for loving me. Quirks and all. Thank you for being supportive of this road to a better life.


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